A Ruff Tradition
by Queen-Of-DollZ
Summary: Buttercup recounts why a favored tradition was cancelled this year thanks to Butch. A One shot about being careful with your stories.


"Twas the eve of Thanksgiving

And all through the house

All the Puffs and Ruffs were enjoying

The company of their children and spouse

And on that day,

with them here,

Family and friends gathered

In Thanksgiving cheer

The turkey was eaten

The pie was gobbled up

As it was delicious

Even Bubbles said nary a word

Over the lack of vegan dishes

And so our story begins

Not over the table

But in the living room,

Listen if you are able

For in the superpowers family

There were many youth

As the Ruffs had, one day, realized

That the Puffs were cute, in truth

So many young ones

Powered to the max

Full of superpowered energy

Especially after snacks

One year, in the lou of this

Blossom had an idea

Which was full of glory

That every family dinner

Would end with a story

As story time was magical

For all who were involved

Adults would get some quiet

As the babysitting issue was solved

But not this year, oh no

And I shall tell you why

Because last year,

Butch was our narrator

And he's not a storytelling guy

Not to mention, this year

He had taken part in a Thanksgiving staple

While the girls gossiped and caught up

He tried to drink his brothers beneath the table

And so, with loud voice

While he was definitely not sober

He called to the children

"Story time! Come on over!"

The little scamps hurried

Two green, three blue

Two reds and a white

For their beloved friends

Bell and Blare

Had come over tonight

So eight children sat

Eyes gleaming with cheer

As Butch began

"Did I ever tell you about the first time Bubbles drank beer?"

Oh the wonders of Super hearing

As Bubbles let out a squeak

And Boomer turned to his brother

Praying he not speak

But oh no, not our Butch

He's as drunk as a skunk

And he prattled off a tale

of Bubbles' alcoholic flunk

Red faced and embarrassed

Her perfect mom imaged shattered

As Butch recounted a tale

Of when tipsy Bubbles left her clothes scattered

All through the street

And streaking galore

As he recalled this

Bubbles glared and hissed

"That's it, no more."

This should have ended it

But no, it goes on

As Bubbles is vindictive

And Butch is too far gone

So she stormed over and

With an evil smile

"Have I ever told you kids

About the time Butch got jealous of a dog named Kyle?"

And she spoke of the day

I cancelled a date

Because I had to see Kyle

And I couldn't be late

And of course, Butch, you see

In all his wisdom, deduced...

"She's cheating on me!?"

He had some screws loose

And he tore through the city!

And he tore through the woods

As he was determined to make sure Kyle

Didn't get any goods

And was finally put down by an irate green puff

Holding a Yorkie

Who was really all fluff

Poor Kyle, the neighbor's dog,

Had gotten stuck in the gutter, you see

The dog liked me the most

So they called especially for me

And Butch's face turned red

As Bubbles described, belligerent

Of what I had decided to be a good punishment

She said, "he got no cuddles for a year!"

The children aren't even eight,

She meant sex, are we clear?

But Butch didn't back down.

No, this was his story time

"Did I tell you about the day we realized

Blare couldn't climb?"

And that set the tone

For the of the rest of the night

As the children watched the adults

Begin to fight

Blare told of a time

Blossom forgot her drawers

Blossom read off Bell's math scores

Bell told of the day Boomer forgot to wear pants

Boomer spoke of the time I fell into a vat of ants

Butch spoke of a day

Bubbles went to jail

To break out Boomer

So they could go for a sail

Boomer recounted the time Blare

Got scared of a clown

Blare narrated the day Butch

Sh*t all over town

Butch, refusing to back down

Too much was at stake

He made one final

And fatal mistake

He turned to the children,

Who wondered if he was gonna hurl

"Have I told you about the time we dressed Brick up as a girl?"

Silence ensued as he

Blurted the one thing

Every one agreed to never bring

Up again or invite Brick's wrath

But Brick sat there, watching

While we waited for the aftermath

And once he was finished,

Oh yes he was done

Butch didn't realize

It was in more ways then one

So silent was the room,

As Brick finally spoke

"You kids heard about the time Butch got

kicked out as a joke."

And he coolly and calmly spoke of the time

When Butch thought he was abandoned

For eating a lime

It sounds stupid, it's true

And Butch knew it too.

But the story gets worse

As it goes on

And ends with Butch crying on the lawn

Dressed in fishnets and wearing a tutu

Crying his eyes out because "he needs love too"

He describes how Butch had decided to

Live life a stripper

He was only a kid

I honestly think he flipped his flipper

Butch's face turned red

As the children laughed

But wait, there's more

The story's only done by half

Butch continued to put nails

In his coffin

I'm not surprised

He does it often

He brought the time Brick got lost

Flying in the clouds

Brick reminded him of when

He went to school

With his pants and boxers down

Back and forth they went awhile

Bell mumbled to me

"Why is he such a child?"

And finally, Butch set his fate

Once he spoke again

It was too late

With a loud voice and a vein threatening to pop

"How about the time we caught Brick and Blossom having sex at the carnival!

Brick knew we were there and he didn't stop!"

And it was quiet

As the Chemical X made Butch sober

He realized what he said and thought

 _My life is over_

Blossom's face turned red

As Brick's turned dark

Bell's mouth fell open

Blare reigned in his snark

Bubbles gasped loudly and squeaked

"Time to go, kids!"

I had death in my eyes

Butch nearly shat

Boomer leaned over and whispered

"You can't come back from that."

So the children were hurried into cars

Into their seats secured and fast

The snow on the ground was fresh

As Brick's son asked

If he was gonna kill Uncle Butch

And Brick's answer?

"Yes."

And he went back into the house,

While Blossom stayed in the car

As shouting ensued and crashing followed

Blossom considered moving away, very far

And so this year, Story Time is cancelled

The kids can watch TV

Butch no longer gets any beer

That's courtesy of Brick and me.

And so our story ends,

With a sober Butch and a less chance

Of a fight.

So I say to all of you,

Happy Holidays

And to each a good night."

Thunderous laughter took to the air after Buttercup finished explaining, in her own way, why the Utoniums no longer did their "Story Time tradition" to their friends. They had questioned it after gathering for Christmas and seeing the kids gathered around the television, watching old movies, instead of by their parents as they told stories. Butch sat next to her, cheeks red and glaring into his virgin eggnog. _Ah well,_ he thought, _at least I can drink at home._


End file.
